Friday, 21 December 2012

Fremantle Doctor suffers from cruiselag, still on blogging break

I’ll come clean. I’ve been suffering from a severe bout of cruiselag since returning to the real world, which has severely curtailed my blogging.

My wife thinks it's a made-up affliction but even she couldn’t explain my sleep walking the other night. She found me in our kitchen at the sink knawing on a cooking utensil that I was convinced was a tasty delight from the buffet of our cruise ship. When she interrupted me, I turned around and asked for some more iced tea. I’ve also taken to doodling the name of our head waiter in solitary moments, which I haven’t told my wife about.

All of this means that I’ll be taking a slightly longer than expected break from blogging. I expect to be back up and blogging in the New Year.

Notwithstanding my debilitating bout of cruiselag, I thought that I’d share a somewhat embarrassing holiday related story with Fremantle Doctor Blog readers before my wife creates her own blog titled ‘Fat Arse Husbands’ or something to that effect. I’ll give Fremantle Doctor Blog readers the endpoint of this particular story and they can pick the path that I took to get there. 

Let’s get started.

During our stay in Melbourne after our cruise, how did a fire extinguisher accidently go off in a very small and hip noodle bar in South Yarra?

a)    I decide to secretly use the cruise to build on my already scarily awesome basketball skills. That way I could return and hand out a serious dose of kick ass to my archrival on the basketball court, Chris ‘Hammer Time’ Hammond. Perfecting my skyhook and shooting hoops all day meant that my body, with its decidedly unimpressive man-cleavage, was transformed into a svelte, toned basketball machine. So it didn’t come as a surprise when my wife and I strolled into the very small and hip noodle bar in South Yarra and the ever alert waitress used the fire extinguisher to cool me down because I was so hot.

b)      After attending an ‘art of noodle making’ class and following it up with the ‘noodle making for experts’ masterclass on the cruise, and upon entering the modern, hip and small noodle bar I took the opportunity to shoot the breeze with the chef about all things noodle making. Unfortunately I distracted him to the point that a part of his chef uniform was set alight and his attentive assistant chef rushed to use the fire extinguisher to put the small fire out.

c)      Strolling into the small, hip noodle bar in South Yarra, my wife and I were directed to a seat in the corner of the room. As I sat down on a stool at our table, there was a large bang, followed closely by a cloud of white dust. My wife jumped back, initially worried that I had broken the chair. The lady enjoying her noodles at the next table jumped back too, as the cloud of dense white dust continued to grow and fill the room like a malevolent fog. The waiter returned at high speed. I backed away, realising that as I had tried to fit into the tight space, my pertly rounded behind had inadvertently set off the fire extinguisher mounted on the wall behind my stool.

Before I reveal the answer, I thought that I’d share a couple of other cool things from the internet that I have enjoyed this past week.

Awesome Obama photos

Click here to check out these awesome photos of President Obama. My favourites include Obama pretending to be caught in the web of a child in a spiderman costume, Obama and his vice president Joe Biden sharing a laugh and Obama secretly standing on the scale behind one of his staff.

Titus’s Top 12 NCAA power rankings

Skip to the end if you’re not a fan of American college basketball. But if you enjoy a bit of the old college bball check out this highly amusing and enteraining weekly column documenting the best twelve college basketball teams.

(This column provides the inspiration for the fire extinguisher game above.)

Kick ass photos of Paris at night

Paris is one of my favourite cities. So I couldn’t miss an opportunity to link to these awesome photos of Paris at night. Click here.

I want to thank Fremantle Doctor Blog readers for reading my blog. I also want to throw out a massive shout out to my wife. I really appreciate all of her patience and editing. I hope you all have a safe and enjoyable Christmas.

For all those people still reading, the answer was c). The waiter handled the fire extinguisher emergency with aplomb. No one asphixiated. My wife could be heard remarking to fellow patrons that she'd never seen that guy before in her life, while I coolly and calmly made my way outside and sat down at a table ready to chow down on some tasty noodles. The waiter later thanked me for setting of the extinguisher as he now had an excuse to use the rest of it up before replacing it with a new one.


  1. Welcome back, even if you aren't ..

  2. Where is the 2013 Blog. I somehow was expecting to open the Fremantle Doctor and have a good laugh to start the year off. Come on sleepy bum.